"Be comfortable being uncomfortable." ~ Peter McWilliams
Although I am one that shares a taste of the dancing electronic music, vibe, and a strong drink, I was more the type of person to stay in and have my own sub-woofer based rave in my night clothes than doning an outfit, cologne, earbuds, extra dollar bills for a tip and head out to bar on a friday night.
Being more of an introvert in their 30's, I never really had(*have*) friends {let alone that did this type of stuff - we were more of the 'what's the game of the night" kind - anyways, so I never got used ot of felt comfortable wit hthe scene.
I am all for hanging out in person with friends, don't get me wrong - I honestly wish I had friends that wanted to do in person things more; Life only gets more isolating the longer you live it.
So, as it so happened I was given an invite by some old aquaintences to head out for a night of drinks.I have always struggled to know my place with people. Although we have known of eachother for a long time, they are more my siblings friend group, and I do not know where to stand. It is one of those things, where you are known and accepted due to time, but not close do that times little exposure. I have usualy always been wary of where I stand in groups, and never want to overstep any lines in the sand. I am usually the wall flower, the one walking last on the sidewalk (to make sure no one else is left behind), the one forgotten that they are actually there - maybe that is why I have always felt comfortable with the ghosts in the walls.
So, against my normal decision of saying "no" to stay home and play video gasmes alone (despite my other friends, who I also do not know where I stand with, ignoring my message to ask if there were up to play online that night while they were currently online playing {see where the fear comes from}), I decided to take up their offer and go out for a night. We went a bars, met up with some other people they knew for a while, had a drink and danced. Walked for pizza and another bar that just so happened to having a kareokee night, and although we said we wouldnt stay out past midnight, we didnt get home to the early hours of the morning. Although slightly reluctant to do something, it was a great time and I did enjoy it (although I do wish we have done the kareoke earlier and gone home sooner, I need my beauty sleep).
Sometimes, in order to live, and get comfortable doing things, you have to be a yes man. Coming from my previous year where my entire year was packed with solo adventures, I was happy to be included, even if it was, beyond my knowledge, out of just pity or indifference. I know I stand on the 'friends-older-bro' line, but they are kinds souls who do remember about you reguardless. They will never know my appreciation for the small things.